the truth is…

Some days i just want to quit. Give it all up and just walk away. It would be so much easier… I could have a life, spend more time with my loved ones, take my dog to the park more often, do things for ME.

When people find out that I have a full-time job ON TOP of photography, I often get a bewildered look, followed with a “seriously?? How do you do it?!” or the very common “are you insane??”. The answers to those questions are “I just do” and “probably, most days”.

The truth is, I work really hard. A lot.

Monday through Friday I wake up at 630ish, head to work at my day-job, where I am an Art Director/Graphic Designer/Marketing Assistant for 8+ hours. Then I come home, figure out what we’re doing for dinner, eat, and then hop on the computer and start working the night away- catching up on social media, editing, packaging client orders, placing print orders, and on rare occasion working on marketing materials for myself… however that always seems to get the short end of the stick. I stay awake, working by computer- glare until around 11pm-1am, then pry myself off of the computer to go to bed so I can wake up and do it all over again. Weekends are generally filled with photo shoots, commitments with family and friends, and hopefully taking my dog to the park. Also more editing, networking, and catching up on blog posts (which I need to work on!), editing, culling, more editing, and sometimes a little shopping 🙂

It’s a busy life, and sometimes, I literally stop and ask  myself WHHYYYYYYY???? I don’t like not getting enough sleep, or spending enough time with my boyfriend and pup, or ALWAYS being busy. But it’s what I do. Partially because I think it’s in my blood, partially because i’m a crazy work-a-holic, and mostly because in order to do what I love, it’s what must be done.

Regardless of how much I want to scream, cry, kick and scream and quit sometimes, I don’t think that’s even a realistic possibility for me. I love it too much.  Scheduling “days off” for  myself is a normal thing for me. I don’t remember what being bored feels like, and my favorite thing to make for dinner is reservations.

But it is a labor of love.

I know that while it seems like I am killing myself now, I am sowing a seed for the future. I am building my business, so that one day, when the time is right, I can focus solely on what is most important to me, what feeds my soul. I will have more time for loved ones and doing things I want to do, like travel more, read books, relax, and grow my business.

I am so thankful to have such a supportive, understanding man to call my own. He is ever-patient with my crazy schedule, and always supportive of me and my ideas/endeavors, no matter how crazy they may seem. He never gives me a hard time about not spending enough time with him, and always offers words of encouragement when I am feeling down. He believes in me, and I couldn’t ask for more than that.

So even though some days I’d rather throw my arms in the air and say “forget it!”, I just learn to take breaks. It can wait until tomorrow. Or the weekend. Part of being successful in anything you do is taking care of yourself. I’ve learned that sometimes it’s better to just take the night off, not worry about everything, and try again tomorrow. I think I deserve it, and I know it helps.

I could never quit. I don’t know how, and I wouldn’t want to.

“On the mountains of truth you can never climb in vain: either you will reach a point higher up today, or you will be training your powers so that you will be able to climb higher tomorrow.”
-Friedrich Nietzsche

“In the confrontation between the stream and the rock, the stream always wins- not through strength but by perseverance.”
– H. Jackson Brown 

“People of mediocre ability sometimes achieve outstanding success because they don’t know when to quit. Most men succeed because they are determined to.”
– George E. Allen 

6 thoughts on “the truth is…

  1. Thanks for being so honest about what we all feel at times. It’s true that it would be easier if we didn’t do what we do but it’s what we do; what we love and when you love something or someone you always find time for it or them.

    Keep up the good work and know that there are others out there in the same boat and if you stick it out so will we. *Stay Inspired, T

  2. Hi C-Jade, it’s actually my first time to read a whole BLog from you. Most of the time I just soak it up watching the pictures you upload. But I’m really glad I did you know? My setup is pretty much like you too & I just don’t know how to quit too 😀 And hey, as much as I enjoy looking the pictures you post, I enjoyed every phrase you put into this writing. So cheers to those who do not know how to quit! Thank You!

  3. Wow! I can totally empathize with how you feel. I sometimes think I just can’t keep doing this. Something has got to give. Sooner or later right? I have days where I just want to ball up in the corner and cry until I can’t cry anymore. Having a day job while pursuing your passion is so hard, I do it everyday – and you are right…we could never give it up, but there’s days!!! 🙂 Keep your chin up and if you ever need to vent….let’s chat. 🙂

  4. I loved this post! This past summer I was doing a lot of photo sessions and some weddings. On top of being a part time photographer I am a ballet director/teacher/choreographer of a ballet school AND a mom to a 5 year old daughter AND 3 year old twin boys… oh, did I forget to mention also keeping my husband happy, my house clean and playing “homemaker”. Sometimes you just have to go back to what is important, and to me that is my family, so I definantly started to limit my photo sessions in a major way! But like you said, you just can’t pull away from creativity, something that flows in your blood. I get a lot “how do you do it all”, but you just do. Us creatiive people just do it, because we have to. We can’t box up creativity! You rock! Keep it up… at least until you have kids 🙂

  5. Courtney, this post was really well worded (and I love the quotes!). I can also completely relate. I am a full-time law student, and do photography in my “spare time.” You are lucky to have such a great support network. Keep up the great work! 🙂

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